When I was 13 years old I weighed maybe 79 lbs soaked and wet. Compared to my friends whos bodies were feminine and curvy, my boyish figure was made up of 2 sweatpants stuffed inside my oversize jeans.

At the mall my girlfriends and I walked around with no money to spend, hoping to see boys. Before I left my house I made sure to put on that 80s style black eyeliner. Sprayed a ton of Aquanet so my bangs could hold up tall. My eyes were pulled back with a tight ponytail. I popped that red lipstick and stared at the mirror. I was looking dope.

My confidence came crushing down when a group of kids walking by gasped and laughed at the sight of me. Among many words, the most that pierced me were "damn she is so skinny, look at her, omg." Loud enough for me and my friends to hear of course. Some of my friends laughed too.... then I laughed (hiding the hurt).

Family called me Olive Oyl (Popeye's wife), flakucha and inklenka (skinny one, bony one).

Back home I stared in the mirror and saw the reflection of pride growing in me. I ignored the words that tried to bring me down. Ignored the memories of abuse in my home. Ignored the guns pointed at my face. Ignored the drug abuse. Ignored losing my dad to prison. Ignored the group of bullies who beat me up when I walked to school. Ignored that I was too young to take on the responsibility of protecting my family. Ignored the nights I heard my mom cry. Ignored the hurt because weakness was not an option. Ignored the baggage that got heavier everyday. I had built a wall so high so no one could break in.

At the age of 29, failing marriage, six months pregnant, alone and full of pride, I met Jesus at the foot of an altar at church. On my knees I pleaded for relief and for the weight of my past to be lifted. I had been strong for too long. I surrendered!

God has taken me through a bumpy road where I am discovering a better me. A woman who is still healing daily, who found her worth and beauty, who is learning to accept her flaws, who forgave the past, and who doesn't need to act strong. She no longer fights alone!

I rarely ever share photos of the gifts that I receive because when I get them, I receive them with complete humility, and I never want to seem boastful. There are so many people who do not have a lot, who live in loneliness, struggle in their marriage and some who have experienced a lot of loss... and I would never want them to compare their lives to a social media post of someone's portrayed "great" life. We all know that nothing is ever perfect.

Well I want to share that my husband surprised me with these flowers this morning for no reason at all. Just because! I have not told him this but as I was putting the flowers in the vase I was filled with a lot of emotion.  I couldn't help but to remember a time in my life when instead of being shown love, I was made to feel worthless. I was betrayed and broken. Twelve years of that pain and I finally ended the hurt by removing myself from that situation. Till this day I do not have a clue how I came out of it without falling back. All I can tell you is that God was in the center of my life. Let me make that more clear!! I did not just claim God... MY heart exploded in surrender to Him. Every part of me was exhausted and ready to receive His will. It was not a change of actions. It was an internal shift of my soul.

Little by little I started to see where I went wrong in those past 12 yrs and I took responsibility for my own mistakes. Then when I met my now husband the truth is that we were still broken and not ready for each other. There were a lot uncertainties that I didn't let God reveal to me. This disobedience caused God's healing and work in us to delay, and we have paid the price. But praise God because through our repenting hearts He has decided to bless our marriage and strengthen us.

These flowers represent God's grace. The fresh anointing and forgiveness He offers us.... just because. No special occasion. No good deeds. Just because He knows the intention of our hearts. And if you get your heart right for God, He will bring you flowers too.

Hey loves. I recorded this short training that I did with one of my mentees and wanted to put it on here to share in case it can help someone. Please excuse the Spanglish lol

Join me on A Day In the Life of Patty Bee. Enjoy!

Delgada Skinny Coffee - Linktr.ee/FitDiva777

Earing - Whitty Designs Jewelry - https://www.facebook.com/WhittyDesigns/

Inspired by millz TShirt - www.inspiredbymillz.com

Had to take a break from doing my hair to bring you this nugget of inspiration!

Watch the video. ������ 

Stop the excuses! The world is like an ocean of opportunities. It all comes down to YOU! Enjoy!! 

P.S. Stay tuned for my Side Hustle video coming soon.

Good evening Queen Bees! I hope and pray that this video reaches the right person at the right time, and that healing finds them in return. Blessings!

P.S. Had to edit the video to make it as short as possible so please excuse the music cutting in and out.  

Stop The Cycle of Broke Mentality In Your Family.

I share how my 22 year old daughter Thalia is on a plan to save a half million dollars by putting away only $50 per month.

Download Monthly Budget Spreadsheet Here:

https://www.pattybeeblog.com/apps/links/

1980s... Age 11-ish.

I was the kind of kid that played hide and seek in the projects, running past drug dealers and smoke filled stairwells to find a good hiding spot. But even all that fun couldn't keep me from stopping dead in my tracks when I came by the tall building at the top of the hill. The windows on the first floor were at the perfect height and if the shades were up high enough I could see all the excitement inside.

It was the leasing office. There was just something about seeing someone behind a desk and watching their fingers move gracefully along the typewriter, the way the receptionist held the phone receiver between her shoulder and ear while flipping through important documents. I was captivated by the office employees walking back and forth, they all seemed so busy. But I was especially intrigued with my friend's mom, also our neighbor, who had assumed the position of office manager. A working mom was not the norm where I was from. So to me, it was like if they had crowned a Queen.

My mom was a housewife and my dad hustled the streets most of my young life so I had no idea what a life with working relatives was like. When my friend's mom took on that important position, my imagination of running an office one day went wild. "Office" became my favorite game to play with my sisters and cousins at home.

The fascination I had with that unfamiliar "professional" world only grew stronger. Every 1st of the month I looked forward to that two mile walk to the bank in downtown Hartford where my mom cashed her welfare check. I loved looking at the detailed woodwork and high ceilings inside the corporate building on High Street. My younger sister and I would sneak off to push the black elevator buttons just to watch the round glass numbers light up at the top. But my most favorite part was walking inside the bank and standing in line with my mom between the heavy velvet ropes. I stood on my tippy toes to catch a glimpse of all that was going on behind the tall counters. I became elated with the ching! sound of the cash drawer, the way the teller stamped the slip, the way she moved bills through her hands so quickly, and the intensity of my mom's pen when she added the accent to the 'u' in her Bermúdez signature.

Before we left, my mom would sneak a small stack of deposit and withdraw slips into her purse so that I could play banker at home. She even bought me an old calculator from the Salvation Army Thrift Store after watching me draw a numbers pad on a piece of cardboard at home. These were some of the best gifts ever!!

Considering where and how I grew up, I have to say that I was blessed to have not fallen prey to what for many became their destiny. That strong curiosity kept me glancing over to that outside world. It was that desire to do something different with my life that somehow shielded me from the temptations and dangers that surrounded me. God blessed me with parents that in the midst of substandard choices and brokenness, they always found ways to keep my little sisters and I as distracted as possible.

My heart aches for the children in my old neighborhood that are living there today. I want to one day go through those drug and smoke infested stairwells where children like me still play and dream! I want to help them find their spark amongst the ashes.

God bless!

Be Your Own Kind Of Beautiful

There are two short videos since EJ was being a little nosy!

Watch me put on my face every morning! :-) There is something about spending some time on yourself, getting dressed and putting on a little bit of makeup to feel empowered and motivated to get through the day! We cannot change who we are and what we look like. We can only be the best version of ourselves..... YOU can be your own kind of beautiful.

Watch Patty's video at:  http://tinyurl.com/pattybee

Well Hello my little working bees! I hope everyone has been well and healthy. It's been a while so I wanted to bring you a little treat on the topic:

Becoming Intentional

Many of us are stuck in rut, making little to no progress in our life. This can go on for years and years, and eventually become sort of like a curse of procrastination! In this short video I am sharing how I became intentional about my life, my dreams, my goals and my to-do list! Hope this helps. God bless!

Lort hep me! (In my Madea's voice)

Do not let this T Shirt fool you peeps! I have a side of me I rather not show. Like when something makes me go from 0 to 100 in half of a second. Like when I start the day singing halleluyerzzz and somehow by evening I am in a war zone throwing F bombs cussing in between sentences.

It is not easy man! I try! I promise I do! God knows my ❤.... I hope!

So a day like yesterday. I woke up motivated and happy.

Things took a turn for the worse when my 14 year old showed up at my side with bleached hair. Never mind just color dye which at her age I do NOT approve of anyways BUT even worse. Bleached! Like... did I say BLEACHED! A job done by my oldest 22 year old daughter who did not care to ask me permission. Who thought it was cute to encourage such abominable disobedience. Leading my 14 year old to a downward spiral of rebellion! I was livid! In my mind I shouted....I rebuke you Satan for influencing my children and taking my peace on such a beautiful day! 

I was so angry. I felt truly betrayed. Back stabbed. Felt like my rights as a parent were stollen from me! Bleached hair? What is next, a tattoo, weed, teenage pregnancy!! I am about to lose it on these childrenzzz. Where is my phone cable cuz I am about to distribute some old fashioned can of woop a##.

I decided to handle this the next morning! After I had a chance to calm down and fix my halo.

Sat my oldest down and told her what it meant for her to disobey me and how disappointed I was in both of them. How she was to NEVER EVERRRR in her life step on my toes again! Then I sent her to CVS to get brown dye to fix my 14 yr olds hair... at her expense.... ignoring the face of annoyance and disgust she had on.

10 minutes later when she was walking out to the store.... "it's ok. Nevermind. You don't have to change her hair. Just don't do it again. Ok ☺?

Truth: I kind of like the blonde and it looks super cute. Plus I exaggerated. It was not her entire head. She only bleached the tips.

Moral of the story is: It is hard being a mom but even harder being a good child of God. Woooosaaa!